Steering Wheel.

Life has been a big steering wheel for me. In just two weeks, I was able to experience side-by-side stress, up-and-down drama and loss-and-gain of reality. So much for summer (insert big SIGH).

Side-by-side stress.

For the past two weeks, I heard of comments (for lack of better term, adjectives) that people use to describe me. Some are hilarious, funny, bizarre while some are totally offensive. Hilarious and funny are my usual emotions when people depict me as Mataray (ill-tempered), Suplada (conceited) and Tahimik (quiet). Like these people don't know me at all. Especially with the latter- like what the "F" I am Tahimik!!!??? Ever since I was a kid, I am being dubbed as the most talkative person in the group. I even experienced being taped on the mouth by my preschool teacher. Always listed on the noisy list and now you people are telling me that I am tahimik. Oh C'mon. heee heee. By the way friends, Romans and Countrymen,  haven't you heard of the word "Introvert". I'm just wondering.

I am actually amused since people would most of the time retract their comments after knowing me. Sorry guys but 'First impression last' does not really work in my world. I'd like to believe I am same as dark chocolate. It takes a while to be appreciated. But once you do, you will become addicted to it. Oh diba!? As for the mataray/suplada, well it goes hand-in-hand with my being tahimik. Since people think I don't talk, they always give the presumption I am snotty. Here's the thing, straight to the point, I always raise my guard wall whenever I meet new people. Of the twenty-five years of existence, I learned that you can't always please people and most of the time, trusting immediately can be a big fool. Putting up a guard ain't bad at all-- as per my POV. As they said, prevention is better than cure. Hindi ba?

Bizarre is when people give the presumption I am living a 'high maintenance' life. Like where did the hell it come from!!!? People won't even see me wearing/buying new clothes every day. Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I bought something for myself. There are times when I hear such term I would like to nag everybody to pinpoint the effin person who started it all. But then I realize, perhaps because they would see me eat in fancy restaurants as if it's an ordinary thing or because I speak English (as one good friend pointed out earlier). But then again, that does not depict a high maintenance life or is it? I heard it too many times- not just for the past two weeks and somehow I am beginning to question myself also. Then one good soul made me realize I am just enjoying both sides of the world. Lemme just clear it out, I am NOT living a high maintenance life. I eat good foods because (one) I can afford it and (two) I want to. But that does not make me any less citizen of a third world country. I speak English ONLY when I am with selective people errrr those who can also speak good English. I am not saying my English is perfect but at the very least, I know the basic subject-verb-agreement. And please, I again find it bizarre that these simple things actually bother other people. I am living a good life without hurting anybody. If my lifestyle offends you then- Lo Siento. That's I'm sorry in Spanish in case you 'intruders' do not know. Stop making a big fuss about it because Filipinos are supposed to be bilingual. WE should know how to speak 'decent' English and it ain't my problem if you can't. Just saying.

Now lets go to the offensive 'term/s of endearment', by the way, sorry if this is going to be a long vomiting of words-- my next up blog posts will most likely be bunch of photos so deal with dialogues for the mean time. "Mayabang (boastful)"-- what better way to say it is one BIG sh*t word for me. I guess this adjective goes hand-in-hand with bizarre. As much as I want to please other people, the way I talk, walk, think should not bother you IF you are secured of yourself. Because (one) you should not dwell on other people's lives and (two) every achievement is something to be proud of since it is an ACHIEVEMENT. Though I do not want to contemplate on it but calling other people mayabang only shows how insecure one talker can be.  This would eventually lead to crab-mentality which we all know is a disease in our community/country. We shouldn't drag people down and I'm saying this in a general context. Just be glad with what people have and use it as an inspiration to strive harder. Some people call me mayabang because of the way I talk and that... I am a Law Student. They actually perceive that I am arrogant for having an advance knowledge in Law and current events but isn't that what differs me from another college graduate. It would be a shame if I couldn't answer YOUR questions-- emphasizing with the word 'your' because I only talk in legal perspective ONLY when asked. I believe in the mantra that

“Believe you can and you're halfway there.” - Theodore Roosevelt

As long as you are not hurting any people then be proud. We, even I, earned it. Diba nga, seize the moment. 

Up and Down Drama.

About two weeks ago, a painful thing just happened which somehow can be considered life changing. If you guys are following me on twitter, and for those not yet- twitter ID @IAmKBianca, then you might have read my posts about a good friend who left and joined Our Creator. Up to this point, I am still speechless of how I would describe the distress I am feeling. By far, the only thing I could recall is my tears for three days in-a-row. Well at least now I could finally (little-by-little) share it here but when I first learned of the incident I was already contemplating to seek psychological help. Stress, fatigue and pain really got into me. Plus reflection since I then realized how life short is. It is definitely a life changing event because it made me appreciate more of what I have and settle for it. Appreciate even the smallest thing in the world. Appreciate the love and care of my family and friends. Appreciate the education I gained and continuously gaining. Appreciate my work... I might sound too godly but... I just have this urge to give each person I love a big hug. There are really times when it would take an ill event before we learn the word 'Appreciate'. 

I miss you friend. Thank you because up to the last minute- you are an eye-opener. I love you.

Loss and Gain of reality.

Loss, well I have already blurted it out but as for the 'Gain'... After losing a good friend, I am actually blessed in three ways. First, when a classmate asked me to be the Godmother of her first born. Some might really consider it as not a big deal but for me, the title and trust given by a parent to a stranger is something. Imagine the responsibility. It is a responsibility not just to the baby but also to the parent and to God. Trust is very important to me. That is why, I value each trust given to me and vice versa. For me it is something to be earned and the fact that my classmate gave it to me is something to be treasured. Second blessing is finding new friends. Well technically they are not new since we knew each other for ages but the chance to bond with them and get to know a little deeper is something to be thankful. It is like the typical story of-- who would ever... 

Who would ever thought we'll jive. 

Who would ever though we'll enjoy each other's company. 

Who would ever...

Third, blessed of learning. I actually thought my life will be boring and stagnant this summer aside from reading law books (which, by the way, needs be finished before third week of June-- so help me God). But on one random Sunday, with my new found male-version (hahahaha!), I get to explore the beauty of past and AGAIN appreciate it. I will expound this with visuals but it is definitely marked (dated May 19, 2013).

Well that's it for now. What a steering wheel, right? Now I understand why they say-- just enjoy the ride. ciao!

Love,

Katerina Bianca